Being a Good Samaritan is Not Enough
Add wise and smart to it.
Good Samaritans. Who doesn't like them? Who haven't heard of them.
In the Holy Bible gospel of Luke (chapter 10: 25 -37), Jesus Christ told the parable of the Good Samaritan.
In that story, a man fell into the hands of armed robbers while traveling from Jericho to Jerusalem. The robbers, dispossessed and injured him, leaving him for dead by the roadside.
A priest and a Levite soon passed by the injured man. By their vocation as messengers of God, one would expect them to instantly show acts of mercy. They didn't.
A Samaritan passing by stopped to help the injured man. The Good Samaritan cleaned and bandaged the victim’s wounds, took him to an inn, and paid for his care. Nit yet done, he also promised to make up for any insufficient funds when he returns.
The Good Samaritan teaches us to love our neighbors and be merciful to needy people, especially those who have no means of repaying us.
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
Chances are that you have been one or been benefited by the generous acts of some unknown Good Samaritans. Natirally, you will like to play the unmerited good deeds forward.
Nevertheless, while helping others, it is important to apply caution. You need to be aware of the risks involved in helping others.
Why?
Because in these days and times, helping others can be risky. You may have good intentions but doing good could expose you to some risks. Moreover, you may be unknowingly exposing yourself to malevolent people who stalk and harm innocent and harmless Good Samaritans.
Be a Good Samaritan, but don’t throw caution to the winds.
Being a Good Samaritan has its own risks. I heard this story about a Good Samaritan who gave expired medicines to a sick friend in error. Unfortunately, the friend died due to complications attributed to the expired medicines. Now the Good Samaritan has to answer for a death he caused while trying to help another person.
On another occasion, an unwary traveller was asked by a total stranger to help in delivering some feather-light package while flying to another country. Many innocent people have unwittingly become drug-mules by offering to help others. Imagine the gievous repercursions of such indiscrete acts of kindness.
Therein lies the conundrum of being an empathetic Good Samaritan.
By all means, be a Good Samaritan, but be wise and smart while being good.
How to be a wise, smart, and Good Samaritan.
Couple your concern for others with a healthy dose of concern for yourself.
Instead of being selfless, be otherish. Being otherish in your empathy and giving enables you to think in more complex ways and identify win-win solutions that benefit you and those you empathize with. Being overly selfless in your empathy will make you miss such opportunities.
Trust but verify. Trust is one reason givers are so susceptible to the doormat effect. Because they are trustworthy, they see the best in everyone, so they operate on the mistaken assumption — everyone is trustworthy.
Once empathizers see the value of “sincerity screening” and spot agreeable takers as potential fakers, they protect themselves by adjusting their behavior accordingly. Using these filters help you identify those who are only out to prey on your magnanimity. You can then apply caution without losing your humaneness.
Avoid the Empathy Trap. To avoid getting scammed or exploited, it’s critical to distinguish the genuine givers from the takers and fakers. If you are to be successful as a caring helper, you need to know who’s likely to manipulate you so you can protect yourself.
Don’t overlook what others are thinking. Don’t just focus on others’ feelings and emotions, zero in on what they are thinking. Doing otherwise expose you to the risk of giving away too much. By focussing on their thoughts and interests, you are more likely to satisfy them without forfeiting your own interests.
Avoid the doormat effect by being more assertive. Some people fall into an unhealthy need for other people’s approval at all times. Such people, unconditionally say “Yes” even when “No” should have been the response that best protects their own interests while they carry others along.
In Assertiveness for Earth’s Angels, author Doreen Virtue gave groundbreaking insights on how you can maintain inner peace and your caring nature without letting others use you as their doormat.
The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.
~ Mahatma Gandhi
Takeaways
Do not fall prey to those who hunt for and take advantage of Good Samaritans.
Be wise and smart while being a Good Samaritan.
Couple your concern for others with a healthy dose of concern for yourself.
Unconditionally trusting others is risky. If your natural inclination is to trust other people, remember to always verify if others are worthy of your trust in them.
Learn to identify those who are only out to take advantage of you and screen them out of your cycle of empathy. That is the only way to escape being burnt-out by your empathy,
Don’t allow emotions and feelings be the sole determinants of your actions. Never overlook others’ thoughts, advice, and interests. This way, you can satisfy your concern for others without jeopardizing your own interests.
Don’t be an unconditional, “yes person”. Avoid the doormat effect by learning to be more assertive in wholesome ways.