3 Approaches to Overcoming Life’s Challenges
Simultaneously easy and tough, #3 is often the most neglected
Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble.
~ Holy Bible (Job 14:1)
Life is full of challenges. Life’s grilling challenges are endless. And often daunting as well. These, you already know.
At home, you may have issues with your spouse. Your once-upon a-cherubic kid may suddenly “grow horns”. Overnight, as the hormones cruised through their veins, some of your once adorable toddlers may metamorphose into truculent teenagers.
At other times, you may have disputes with colleagues who suddenly became non-cooperative. Perhaps undeserved, you may be at the receiving end of bad office politics or some demigod of a boss. I know your pains. Because none of us is exempt from this more often traveled life’s common road.
How do you confront and surmount these or other nagging trials? The three approaches being considered here are not entirely new. But, often neglected, the last one could be the most effective solution for many pressing petty problems. It’s simple but hard to master. Therefore, it is often the most commonly neglected approach.
#1: You don’t have control over many things that happen to you.
In this very brief life of yours, the good, the bad and the not so ugly will dodge your steps. Not only is change constantly rough-washing you, but you are also constantly changing as well.
Your worry-warts will change nothing. For instance, when the U. S. government experienced the risk of a “budget cliff”, no single American could have immediately done anything or changed the economic decisions or the politics needed to balance the budget or reignite their economy.
Without your efforts being supported by cooperative others, you can’t change everything overnight. Why then must you self-destruct through worrying and anxiety?
#2: There are things you have control over.
Where I live, the motor traffic could be so chaotic. We even joke that any driver who can safely navigate and survive on Nigeria's inner city roads can safely drive anywhere else in the world.
Here, while on your daily driving chores, you are bound to run across these ubiquitous three-wheeled powered rides popularly known as keke. It is not uncommon for the drivers of these “tribikes” to harass their bigger and more powerful car drivers — out of spite. Frequently, instead of the passengers cautioning their own drivers, they unite in unjust verbal assaults against the other drivers. These endangered passengers are at the mercy of their reckless keke drivers. Yet, they jettison caution and control over their own drivers to attack other drivers whom they have no control over.
Stephen Covey in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, popularized the ideas of the circle of concern, the circle of influence, and the circle of control.
There is a wide and growing range of issues that you don’t have control over. These are grouped into your circle of concern. No matter how concerned you are there is nothing you can do to change them. This is especially so under short notice.
The circle of influence is circumscribed inside the cycle of concern. This latter circle covers all issues that you have influence over. Furthermore, the circle of influence has another inner cycle where you have control over whatever happens to you — this is your circle of control.
By focusing on your circle of influence and especially on the central core where you have control, you have better chances of solving your personal problems faster and impacting the world beyond you for the better.
When we place greater emphasis on our circle of influence and control, the concerns we don’t have control over fall into their proper perspectives and places. Simultaneously, we are better prepared to deal with them in more congenial, non-life and peace-threatening ways.
Chose your circle wisely.
#3: Just sleep over it
Finally, — and this is the main thrust of this essay — sometimes the best first-iteration solution to any problem is to just sleep over it. Of course, I do not mean the proverbial ostrich “head in the sand” attitude. You might have been practicing this recommendation even without knowing it.
Many things happen when we have, or give ourselves the chance to sleep over some of our problems. This approach works for both the petty and the not-so-petty ones that are bogging you down.
Some issues require that you just sleep over them. At the dawn of your new day, a surprising double-take may unfold itself to you. Unexpectedly, those issues and circumstances keeping you restless yesterday may become less aggravating come today. Even if they haven’t, your perspectives on them might have changed for better. Overnight.
This changed perspective of yours more often than not sharpens your wits and judgment, equipping you with the ability to grapple with your concerns and problems in less enervating ways.
To your greatest surprise, what seemed so important last night may be much less so by the time you wake up under the light of a fresh new day.
So, next time those recusant challenges come pestering you, just make out time to sleep over them. You will be amazed by the solutions you may eventually come up with in the morning.
You’ve got any problem? Sleep over it first. Yes, that is easier said than done. Indeed, it may be the easiest solution, but ironically, it is also so often neglected.
Change the way you look at things.
The things you look at will change.
Parting Thoughts
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
~ The Serenity Prayer
SOURCE
Covey, S. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. New York, USA: Simon & Schuster.
Thank you for reading.
Another version of this essay was originally published on Medium.
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